How (NOT) to get results: pick a goal

One of the most important parts about getting results is knowing what results you're actually looking for to begin with. Basing your "why" on what you actually want- not what your parents want, society wants etc.  So many times I'll talk to a client and they will say that their goal is to lose weight. They usually have a number in mind, 5-10-20 lbs. When I ask them what it is about that specific number , most times they don't have an answer, just that they would FEEL better if they were at that weight. They would FEEL  better if their clothes fit differently, if they could run after their kids without losing their breath, if they could be more confident and so on. 

You see so much, if not all of our goals are actually based on feelings. Either the way we feel now and no longer want to feel , or the way we imagine it would feel to achieve said goal. And every successful goal has one thing in common, it feels good! 

You'll notice that I said successful goal. Because to me, if  you achieve a goal but you are absolutely miserable along the way and when you get there, then that wasn't a very successful goal. This is where I think so many people get it wrong. When picking a goal, we focus on what we don't want, instead of what we do. We think that in order to reach a goal we must bully ourselves into doing what it takes to achieve it. We use fear as a motivator instead of love. We for some reason have convinced ourselves that the only way to where we want to go, is by constantly reminding ourselves of where we don't want to go. Instead of building ourselves up and reminding ourselves of how absolutely capable we are, we force ourselves to teeter on the edge, where even one misstep on the journey to achievement will result in utter failure. No wonder it's so hard to stick to our plan when the one person we always have with us ( ourselves) is so quick to resort to negativity.  

Our minds are so powerful and our thoughts shape our reality. One thing it's important to understand about our brains is that they often do not differentiate between    hypothetical situations and real life situations. This is one reason why worrying can cause us as much stress as if the thing we were worrying about was actually happening, and why day dreaming about the one we love can bring us almost as much joy as if that dream were real. When we relate this to our goals, we can start to see how important it is to pick goals based on positive feelings and how important it is to guide ourselves back to that positive space when we get off track. Even if the goal starts off in a negative space , it's so important to find an outcome with a positive feeling to associate it with. 

I'll give you some examples of negative vs positive  perspectives on the same goal:

" I don't want to be weak anymore" - " I want to be stronger" 

" I don't want to be fat anymore" - " I want to be healthier       and more confident" 

" I don't want back pain anymore" - " I want to be able to play with my kids" 

When we think about our goal the best motivator is if that goal is associated with positive feelings. For instance , thinking about "not being weak any more" reminds us that we are weak now, instead of " being stronger" which reminds us of what our desired outcome is. When you see a strong person at the gym , lifting what seems like inhuman amounts of weight , how do you think they got to that point?  Do you think they got under that bar and repeatedly thought about how weak they were and how they wish they weren't weak anymore? Or did they get under the bar , over and over again telling themselves that they were stronger than they were the day before. As they re racked their weights( I did say It was a hypothetical situation 😝) , they  thought again about how fucking excited they are to be stronger and stronger. How amazing its going to feel when they finally get under their goal weight bar, squat down and get back up. 

 When you are trying to set a goal, instead of dwelling on the negative feelings that you are trying to get away from, focus on the positive results you'll feel great about. Literally envision yourself after you've reached your goal, what does  that moment feel like? When you can finally cross that finish line , step on stage, run without pain, squat your body weight. 

This is even more helpful on those hard days. The days when you fall short. Instead of thinking " I'm never going to get past this, I'll always be weak, slow, fat etc" remind yourself of why you are doing this to begin with. Take a minute and think about how it's going to feel when you get there. Think about what you DO want, not what you don't. 

Whatever your goal, If you don't feel happiness rushing through you when you think about achieving it, it is not the goal for you. Remember that there is more than one way to  be fit and healthy and what does it for someone else is not necessarily what will do it for you and that's OK! Also remember that being miserable trying to achieve a goal is not only unnecessary but also not conducive to the best results. If you have found a goal that you are truly passionate about , be stubborn about your goal but be flexible about your methods. The best and most effective way to do anything is one that you are going to stick to. We tend to stick to what makes us happy the most. 

" if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there" 
Picking a goal is step one. Now what? There is no perfect way to be fit, but their are optimal ways of achieving results depending on your goal and figuring out what those are is the next step to being successful in reaching that goal. Stay tuned for the next part of how (NOT) to get results which will discuss how to Determine what the most effective approach will be.